There is a new gizmo in Strasbourg’s building: sterilization foam dispensers that allow everyone to quickly clean their hands. I suspect this new feature comes from the French strategic plan to eradicate all risk of a (H1N1) A flux virus in our premises. I became a big fan of those little dispensers. The Hamlet’s syndrome fall on me like a spammer on my e-mails’ account and I clean my hands with this hygienic handy chemical every time I cross a dispenser. My first thought was that it opens a new way of digital interactions between us civil servants. We can now touch ourselves at ease, with no fear of germs nor sweaty palms. What a revolution in our greetings ceremonials!

Then, I considered the essence of our greetings. How do we say “Hi!” to each other in our vast corridor? This subject might sounds trivial – OK, it is – but it says a lot about the intercultural environment which is one of the mark of our editorial team.

Born and raised in France, in the Southern part, I belong to the school of hands shaking and cheeks kissing. The former addressed to my male colleagues, the latter to a selection of my female ones (and to my close friends). I could go for a hug on special occasions, à la Italian rather than the American’s way.

Nixon was famous for his handshake - amongst other things.

Since we meet every morning of week days, the ceremonial doesn’t stand long. Between males, we shake hands when we haven’t seen each other for a certain period of time I’d evaluate to be more than six years at least. It’s almost a check you’re still alive and able to move your upper body. This, my friends, is a result of the British culture combined with Nordic social-democracy. The British Empire allied with the Nordic kingdoms to erect the “Don’t touch” wall against body lovers barbarians from the deep South. Most of the time, then, we say “Hi”. “Good morning” is a warm elaboration – when the weather is of a lighter grey than usual.

Of course, my fellow compatriots and I engaged in a secret force of resistance: we shake hands every morning with Fred and Nicolas. But not with Florent, an anomaly which, I believe, is linked to his geographical position, almost at the corridor’s gates. We meet later in the day and we may have forgotten we haven’t saluted yet. Not to forget  he’s from Brittany.

I am a kisser.

Regarding our females colleagues, there are the ones I kiss and the ones I say “Hi” to. The selection is purely based on their country of origin. The further from the South they come, the more often we kiss. With Barbara (Spain), Sofia (Spanish), Eirini (Greece) and Italians from other teams, it’s kissing time everyday. Raffaella (Italy) doesn’t kiss that much, actually. Maybe she could tell us why in the comments below.

And then, there is the “how many kiss on the cheek” issue. In Belgium, it’s one. In France, the most common number is two (in some areas, it can go up to six. Six! We have special bank holidays just to greet the family).

For our Central and Eastern European team’s members, greetings rituals are still under prototyping. Pavel (Czech Republic), Josh (Slovakia) or Peter (Hungary) have a firm handshake they don’t unsheathe every time. It’s more an “on demand” type. Latvian girls would kiss you back, but don’t push your luck : once a week seems to be enough for them.

And then, there is the “how many kiss on the cheek” issue. In Belgium, it’s one. In France, the most common number is two (in some areas, it can go up to six. Six! We have special bank holidays just to greet the family). This confuses our early adopters – colleagues who want to join the warmer greeters but are still uneasy with the protocol.

Will the foam change our way?

The foam dispenser I'm talking about.

Like every team working on a daily basis, it actually makes sense we refrain a bit on the everyday greetings. Still, our Unit is likely to be less formal than others. When going into meetings with other branches (like other Units or colleagues from parts of the European Parliament I hardly understand the purpose of), my handshaking attitude might raise an eyebrow or two. The common body language’s message is more on the “we are serious people dealing with serious business here not a bunch of puppy lovers eager to ticklish each other” line. It seems a very elaborate body language’s message but those guys are good at it.

Back in the days I was a copywriter in an advertising agency, we had an upgraded version of hand shake, yet quick to play, similar to the West Baltimore’s dealers greets, that I found ridiculous the first week and that I learnt to love the following year I spent there. It made us special. We were no longer stupid creative people writing lame claims for horror movies, we were stupid creative people writing lame claims for horror movies with a special handshake. Ha!

They were flaws, though. First, we couldn’t cooly great people who didn’t know the handshake’s trick. That left 99,99% of the mankind apart, not a good feeling when your mission on Earth is to connect the mass to horror movies (and teenage bands’ video clips). Second, we didn’t have any foam dispenser. But yes, we were cheeks-kissing girls.

Our greetings ceremonials would certainly not evolve much because of the foam dispensers. I stayed next to one during lunch break and I haven’t noticed either a huge use of it nor a rise in hot flashes of courtesy or affection from by-passers. Our own versions of Foam Parties have still to find their core concept, I am afraid.

And regarding any unintended puns in this text, I, of course, wash my hands of it.