Writing for (y)EU

European History of (Cheap) Political Jokes

Thilo — Tue, 15 May 2012 14:18:18 +0000

I am kind of an expert in bad jokes. That's what happens when you are German Eurocrat – you hear quite a lot of them. Unfortunately, not many of them are extraordinarily funny (see infographic). Which is weird, given the current state of the Union. Jokes are some sort of Carthasis, so there should be many more EU jokes around.

And don't tell me this is because the corrupted politicians & eurocrats censor the net. We don't. Things have changed. No need to hold back in public anymore.

Things were slightly different when I was a kid in Eastern Germany. I remember that it was very popular to make fun of people from Ostfriesland, a small region at the German-Dutch boarder. Those jokes were strictly non-political and not funny – they could be told in public without a problem.

Why do people in Ostfriesland stand at their windows smiling during a thunderstorm?

They think someone is taking their picture.

When I grew older, I started getting the more delicate jokes that grown-ups told after dinner when they had a few beers too much. The stuff they told you not to tell at school.

The first of these I ever heard was about Erich Honecker (last leader of the GDR and defender of world peace), Mikhail Gorbachev and Ronald Reagan surviving a plane crash that left them stranded in a jungle among cannibals. I cannot repeat it here for reasons of decorum.

More refined but equally political were the jokes about Radio Yerevan (now capital of Armenia, back then part of the USSR). Their basic idea was turning central Communist propaganda messages – "We are better of then the Imperialists" – upside down. You can find loads of them on the Internet.

Why is our government not in a hurry to land our men on the moon?

What if they refuse to return?

Similar stuff existed in all Eastern Bloc countries. Here is one from my home:

What is the favourite sport of Eastern Germans?

Bob slide: a wall to the east, a wall to the west and its always downhill.

Well, it had to end. Cracking jokes only helps so long; people finally wanted something else. When the wall came down in 1989, jokes changed as well.

For Germans, the new jokes were about Ossis & Wessis, now more or less happily reunited (Ossi = people from Eastern Germany). There are two versions of these, always depending on the perspective.

Why are Chinese people always smiling?

Their wall is still standing.

This one was told more often by Wessis (e.g. check the "My first banana" cover of Wessi humoristic magazin Titanic). Ossis took their revenge:

Ossi, Wessi and an African wait for their women to give birth. After a while a nurse comes and says: "It's all good, but I am afraid we made a little mistake and swapped the babies." The Ossis runs into the delivery room and grabs the black baby. On his way out, the nurse stops him: "This surely can't be your child!" Ossi: "Doesn't matter as long as it's not a Wessi!"

Despite such gems, being German remains tough humor-wise. I got used to the Nazi jokes, what really hurts is the ignorance towards our humoristic capabilities. Ask any German about great political humorists from the country of Goethe & Schiller and they will rattle down a few names (Loriot, Gerhard Polt and others that I do not remember now). Behold the famous German proverb: Who laughs last, laughs best.

Becoming a Eurocrat added insult to injury, in a manner of speaking. The question is: has the current European crisis improved the standing of EU or Eurocrat jokes? I asked around to see if some of my colleagues had heard something funny about the EU. My Greek colleague didn't answer. My Polish colleague found this:

What has to change to make Polish roads meet EU standards?

EU standards.

And because they are very short, another one:

What do EU funds have in common with aliens?

You hear about them, but you never see them.

I know, this doesn't make you roll on the floor, but it's a start. Even with the demise of communism, political jokes still have a future in Europe. So let me close with my very own contribution to the European History of Political Jokes:

What's Germany's latest attempt at promoting austerity in Europe?

We are only making cheap jokes now.

A book and an interview with my boss

Nadina — Mon, 14 May 2012 14:23:42 +0000

Few weeks ago I received an invitation from the EP's president Martin Schulz to attend a special event in the House – the launch of the book Europe’s Parliament: People, Places, Politics by Stephen Clark and Julian Priestley. This is the secret project my boss was working on since quite of a while whenever the door of his office was closed and Evita was telling us that he was not to be disturbed?

Indeed, it is a reference guide and a discovery of the European Parliament with its milestones and important figures, laid down in a smooth text journey painted with beautiful photos.

In an interview attached below, Steve answered to some of my colleagues' questions on the making of…

"This is what really goes on in the European Parliament"

Steve, if you had to sum up this book in one sentence, what would you say?

I would say: "This is what really goes on in the European Parliament".

Why did you write it as a pair?

Because Julian Priestley asked me to. He wanted to write a book different to those already out on the EP; a book that gives the inside story and can be understood by anyone.

I worked in his cabinet and he knows my writing style well. He thought we were "compatible". It was hard to say no to someone who will always be my ‘boss’ in some ways. However, I had no idea what an adventure I was embarking on.

How long did this adventure last?

It took three years. We did it in our spare time, but we were in no rush because being up-to-date is not central to it, so we were not bound by a fixed deadline.

The initial project naturally evolved over time. We often debated its content between ourselves and with our publisher. The publisher urged us to put people in the spotlight – those who work in the EP and around it. So we not only cover the broad political topics but also their day-to-day concerns surrounding badges, problems with lifts, etc.

Of course, we spoke to a lot of people, both inside and outside the EP. We also could count on the rich resources made available by the EP, notably the Photo Service's archives and the Flickr account, which contain magnificent shots – both recent and historical . We wanted a well-illustrated book.

We put lots of inserts in to make it more attractive, giving the reader an idea of what subject a chapter tackled, as well as including a few little phrases as epigraphs.

Did the two of you argue much?

Argue? Never. But we did sometimes have animated discussions. Our disagreements had more to do with what angle to take when approaching certain topics.

From the outset, we shared the workload. Each one had a critical read of what the other had written. Both of us re-reading the material was a crucial exercise. In the end, the publisher asked us to cut down the size of the book a little. We got stuck in, as did the publisher… in the end, it came out as 432 pages.

Now that it’s been published, we keep telling each other about important subjects, anecdotes or photos that we’ve forgotten. That was inevitable: we had to make choices. That’s why a second edition ready may one day be in the works.

That will not happen right away, however. We’re also thinking about a possible French version. That would be time-consuming because it’s not just a case of translating it, but also of replacing numerous Anglophone references with Francophone ones, for instance. In any case, let's first see how the English edition does!

Europe's Parliament: People, Places, Politics

Should "Europe’s Parliament" be read for learning or pleasure?

For pleasurable learning. There are quite a few juicy anecdotes.

We already knew "The European Parliament". Will "Europe’s Parliament" be its twin brother? Its rival?

Neither: they complement each other. "The European Parliament" is a very technical book that focuses on the PE’s legislative work in a very detailed way. It is aimed at a well-informed audience.

"Europe’s Parliament" casts its net very wide and covers numerous issues in a book that is accessible to everyone.

Who is your target audience?

Anyone who wants to understand how a huge machine like the European Parliament works. Some chapters will interest people in-house more: colleagues or MEPs. Others are aimed more at the "general public", particularly those on the edges of the EP: lobbyists, visitors, competition candidates, etc.

EP colleagues, like those in the other institutions, are often criticised. You dedicate a chapter to them. Is that a way of responding to the critics?

No, we weren’t thinking about that when we wrote it. We wanted to make people think about the role played by people in this huge administration, whether it’s the Secretary-General, an official, a Member’s assistant or a trainee.

The EP is a human organisation which operates in an environment that is very unusual because it is multilingual and multicultural. It is interesting to learn how all these people live and work together.

Not touching on that subject would have been a failing. We describe the General Secretariat’s contribution to parliamentary life in minute detail.

Where can we buy "Europe’s Parliament"?

It can already be found in bookshops specialising in European affairs, EP kiosks and, right from the day of its launch, you could grab a copy at the Parlamentarium. It is also available online via the sellers mentioned on the website created by our publisher.

Why the unusual size (19 x 24 cm)? Why a turquoise background for the cover?

The size is suited to publishing a large number of photos and to the well-spaced text that we wanted. It feels good in your hands: it’s a good size for flicking through.

It is in turquoise because we didn’t want people to confuse it with the books on Europe which almost all use the blue of the European flag and the yellow stars on their covers.

We were inspired by the blue of the "Lonely Planet" guides because the book invites readers to go on an original adventure inside a unique institution.

***

We knew it was coming, yet we didn't know when, how and in which shape it would turn out. Et voilà… it is out there on the market!

Sometimes, just try it!

Steve — Thu, 10 May 2012 21:39:40 +0000

Sometimes we agonise about whether we should try something. What if we can't cope with the traffic? What if the server crashes? What if the language cover is not enough? What about Linux users? What if… what if … someone doesn't like it? Then, sometimes, unaccountably, we stop worrying and just try it.

Let's do that, and hang the issues

That's what happened this week. One of those little windows of opportunity, when pretext, means and mood come together. Pretext: a Europe Day debate on the Future of Europe we wanted to give little more than the standard treatment to. Means: a couple of motivated geeks and some independent server capacity we have recently acquired to cope with our ever-more-demanding Facebook chats. Mood: the boss says to us: "C'mon, I want to see something different here."

So, quick meeting around the small round table. Idea: "you know that thing we've always thought about doing but decided not to because there are too many issues? Yeah. Let's do that, and hang the issues. It's an experiment, people will understand."

Whence the special, one-off, even slightly random, page, whereby 600 or so lucky users last Wednesday discovered:

1. Live streaming of the Great Debate

2. A Twitter feed, based on the hashtag #EUFuture, where people could comment live on the debate

3. A Facebook panel, where they could similarly comment live.

What were the "issues" I mentioned? Well, the worst is that Parliament's video streams are still only viewable, for curiously but genuinely intractable technical reasons buried in the mists of time, via a Windows/windows media combo. (The team, Mac fanboys almost to a fault, are as desperate about this as any user.) However, in the modest 24 hours accorded to them for the purpose, our gifted geeks, fired up by the challenge and the fact of being unshackled from the iron rules of Parliament's official servers, cracked several long-standing problems, viz:

1. The Windows media version of the video stream could be viewed on this separate page in all of the languages.

2. Mac users (and other freaks) could also see the video, albeit with an English-only audio stream, thanks to a smart workaround relying on the EbS stream provide by the Commission, auto-deployed for auto-detected non-Windows folk.

Now, the results weren't perfect (as non-English speaking Mac-heads would doubtless aver), which is why we decided to keep the whole operation off the formal institutional platforms and deliver the whole thing explictly as a beta/experimental exercise for social media types. And you know what? Technically the whole thing went like a dream. Not so much as a glitch. Like, it worked.

If it ain't perfect, well, there are worse things in this world

Editorially, we learnt a few lessons. We mustn't ourselves tweet too much (at least with the hashtag), for example, so as not to flood the Twitter feed with our 22 language feeds. Even one tweet per speaker in the debate, picking up the main point made, equates to 8×22=176 tweets, most of which will be by defintion incomprehensible to the average user. Also, notwithstanding, we clearly saw that Twitter works better than FB for this sort of thing, both for techical and "editorial" reasons. Finally, as ever, success depends on two crucial factors: (i) people knowing you're doing it, and (ii) people finding the subject interesting enough. On the first, we had (inevitably) given hardly any advance warning of what we were doing, while, on the second, there are clearly other occasions where the level of political excitement would be higher. (It is tempting to wonder what audience might have pitched up fo the famous Orbán debate (streaming traffic to which which crashed Parliament's webste) or a discussion of ACTA.)

But none of these reserves matters. We did this in no time for practically no money, it worked and we see those 600 users as very creditable in the circumstances. The key lessons are:

1. We can do it,

2. If it ain't perfect, well, there are worse things in this world. People do understand.

3. We can now scale this thing up.

4. And improve it.

5. Editorilally too, we'll do a bit better next time.

6. There exists a liminal space where we can step ocasionally outside our usual rules, without bringing the roof down on our heads.

So there you are, it was a small earthquake, no-one was hurt, but something did change this week. Personally speaking, it was a great thing to see, reminding me of some of the sagest words of advice I have heard in this job: "Love your geeks!"

Come and celebrate the Festival of Europe with the EP

Asta — Thu, 10 May 2012 19:59:57 +0000

Are you interested in the European Parliament? Want to visit the buildings, get lucky and meet a Belgian MEP and find out more about how the EP works? Well now's your chance. On Saturday 12 May the EP is throwing open its doors to the public as part of the Europe Day celebrations. Find more info here.

Does Europe need another “Green Wave”?

Slavomira — Wed, 09 May 2012 07:40:10 +0000

Does Europe need another “Green Wave”?

It was the 56^th day of my traineeship (yes, I have just calculated that number) – the first one after Petra had left. After I had managed to break a shower in the morning I got the feeling it was going to be one of those days when everything you touch goes wrong. I was a bit nervous. For very first time I was actually responsible for everything. All tweets had to be scheduled and every article written and published on time. I had the EPSO tests ahead of me that morning as well … I'm sure each one of you can imagine how “enthusiastic” I was about that. But there was a huge “BUT” in that day I wasn't even aware of until it happened.

I planned on going to the screening organized by the Czech Centre in Brussels with one friend of mine. She mentioned it several weeks before and I haven't actually checked what the film was about. I didn't care, just wanted to hang out with her for a while. She of course couldn't come at the end but I decided to get some culture anyway. And I have to say it was the best decision I could have made that day.

Where is my vote?

It all started with these words: "For a few weeks we had the feeling of being so close to our goal as never before …".What was the goal? Slight change towards better system. For freedom. What were the means they used? Peaceful protests. What was the response of the regime? Excessive violence!

The film I went to is called The Green Wave. Green – the color of hope, the color of Islam, the symbol of Green Revolution in Iran in 2009. The Green Wave is a touching documentary illustrating the dramatic events and telling about the feelings of the people behind this revolution. Its producers used hundreds of real blog entries, Facebook reports, Twitter messages and videos posted in the internet by young people, students, like me and you are or once were, who dared to tell the world what happened in their country. The film describes their initial hope followed with fear but also courage to continue their fight for change.

The presidential elections on June 12th, 2009 were supposed to bring about a change, but quite the contrary happened. The ultra-conservative populist Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was confirmed in office, despite the fact that there were millions of people who supported his biggest rival Mir-Hossein Mousavi. The on-going “Where is my vote?” protest demonstrations were again and again worn down and broken up with brutal attacks by government militia. At the end nothing has changed for that young generation – it's even got worse.

I have a dream of “YES WE CAN” change

I was fulfilled with such strong emotions – anger, sadness, fear but also excitement and hope. How come I have never got to know about all this? … Well, I do know now. And it makes me think about my generation.

But first things first: I was really touched by those stories. It feels so strange and unreal that there are still people who have to fight for their freedom, who are ready to put their lives on hold in revolt. In Arabic world they are cold “Generation in waiting”… My generation in Europe doesn't have to wait anymore. At least, not for freedom… We can enjoy careless afternoons with our friends. Of course, there are still problems that are bothering us and that need to be solved. But what is more essential than freedom?

Do we, Europeans, take it for granted? Lately, you have heard so many statements of hatred and venom in our countries. Statements of anger against integration, anger against solidarity. Why are we afraid of freedoms we all have in the European Union? How does the fact that I am from Eastern Europe jeopardize others? Where is the spirit of being united in all our diversities?

It has been a month today (the calendar says it's 1^st May as I am writing this post) since the European Citizens' Initiative was kicked off. Is it going to change anything? Are Europeans going to use this opportunity and will they make their voices to be heard? Are they aware of their luxury of being able to say: “Here is my proposal for a change” that can actually be achieved? Do they remember how does it feel not to be free? When you have to ask: “Where is my vote? What is the future going to look like?” Have we forgotten what nationalism can bring into our lives?

I have the privilege of living in free society for 23 years. I'm about to turn 25 this summer. So, it wasn't so long ago when my parents stood up against communism. When they said: ENOUGH! This year we have had to say that word again. You could have witnessed massive protests both in Slovakia and Czech Republic against the corruption and arrogance of our politicians. I think that we acknowledge how fragile the peace and freedom is. Other nations should bear it in mind, too.

I hope history doesn't have to repeat itself. I hope I won't have to fight for my freedom, ever! If only every European could say: Yes, we can live together, side by side, in peace. Yes, together we can solve all problems Europe is facing today. Yes, we can prosper from our differences. Yes, we can let our pride and the politics aside. Yes, we can!

Let me finish with words of one of the biggest men in the history of my nation, former president of Czechoslovakia, later, president of the Czech Republic, Václav Havel: “Truth and love must prevail over lies and hatred.”

I believe in that. Hope, you do, too…

Connecting the dots through social media

Asta — Tue, 08 May 2012 16:35:37 +0000

This post looks at some of the efforts made by the Enterprise Europe Network to use social media to promote its work and services. To get started, here are three questions (and answers) to help give you some background.

Read the full article on EC blog page.

What is the job of an MEP?

Asta — Tue, 08 May 2012 16:35:15 +0000

There are 754 of them representing 500 million European citizens. But what do MEPs do? Blink followed a young MEP for a month in order to understand the job of an MEP.

Follow the reportage to find out more.

Asta — Tue, 08 May 2012 16:34:59 +0000

Pinterest is a free virtual pinboard that connects people based on shared tastes and interests. It lets you organise and share what you find on the web. Even more, you can browse pinboards created by other people in order to discover new things and get inspiration from people who share your interests. To get started, request an invite or for those who can’t wait: take a look at their free goodies. So what can Pinterest do for you? Read more in the EC blog here.

Roaming around Europe

Asta — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:13:12 +0000

No more bad surprises: a price cap for data roaming will be set this summer. EuroparlTV reviewed the EU's efforts to curb the cost of using your phone abroad.Here comes more in the video.

Twitter in Wonderland

Barbara — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:12:23 +0000

We started Tweeting before June 2009 elections. We tweeted information about the election dates, which were not the same in all countries, about the results, during the electoral night. At that time the newborn Europarl_XX accounts (change XX for the 22 language codes) where just learning how to walk, taking the first steps in a world that was new as well for many fellow Europeans. Not we know how to walk, and some of us even started to run, like the eldest brother, Europarl_EN , with almost 11.000 followers.

A too rigid structure?

Like Alice, EP's Twitter presence is steadily growing, at a constant rhythm, and it starts to be difficult to keep it inside the old frame and non written rules -the house, following Alicia's story.

As we have no magic cake to eat and get smaller (and even if we had it we would not like to eat it), we need to focus on how to make the house bigger, but with the same number of bricks. Bricks with the shapes of 22 accounts, 42.500 followers and around 38 tweets per language each week… but the house never grows further than 140 characters.

Some have tried to force tweets longer, but is has never really worked: Twitter inhabitants prefer it 140. In fact, part of its success lies in the challenge of making complex ideas or messages fix in a very short sentence. Sometimes you get a candy in the form of a link where you can discover more; sometimes you get a secret #code leading to a world of information about a particular issue. It is a world where everything is subject to the 140 rule, but where you can open doors linking it to the wider web world, further away from character restrictions.

In our case the challenge is double, as we are tweeting in 22 languages, and you can imagine that the number of characters necessary to write a given sentence differs much depending on the language we are using. An example: "Live", in English, takes 4 characters. The shortest way for me to say it in Spanish would be "en directo": 10 characters. Even if I opted for the less nice "en vivo", I would still be using three more characters thank my English colleague… and those of you who are using Twitter know that three can make the difference between your tweet fitting in or not. Even one could.

We have also faced the question "Who are you?". Some of our followers have started using our names as a synonym for "European Paliament", which is not exactly true. We are the Parliament's web communications team, and as such we provide non partisan information about the activities of the institution; but we don't speak for the Parliament. This said, I am more than happy of people saying "Europarl_ES has approved…" or "I am at the Europarl_ES". But sometimes we receive mentions that want us to engage in a political debate, something which we will not do. We can tell what is the EP position, the result of a vore ot the link to a report or a video of a debate; MEPs will be more than happy to explain their political views on the subject.

Our colleague Nadina in her particular Wonderland

Twitter is a global wonderland where you can have lots of friends and neighbours and go have a tea with them, you don’t need to know all of them very well, but for some reason they look interesting to you. One day your neighbour has something really interesting to say, and you stop for a minute to talk to him. Next day you may prefer to pass by just saying “hello”. Twitter is a patio where you can exchange views, and where we are all white rabbits in a hurry. It is almost impossible not to be late, really difficult to be the one coming up with a scoop or something no one knew before.

In my opinion, the Parliament should try to win that race, but not obsessing about it. We should be the first to announce the result of an important vote, the first to tweet an important meeting or to reflect on a debate. You may think this is obvious, as being the primary source we are the first to get the information. But most of the times we are not the only ones to get it, and some others another rabbit is quicker than us, and while we are coordinating the message to tweet it in the 22 languages, he or she has already published. That is what happens when transparency is your flagship and anyone interested can follow a debate… say it with me in four characters… that's it! Live.

Further from regarding it as a problem, I give it two positive readings. One, there are rabbits out there with a big and genuine interest for EP's issues. And second, it should act as a challenge, making us constantly improve our working methods.

Going back to Alice's world, I even have a Cheshire cat follower. No matter what Europarl_ES tweets, he looks at is with his turning eyes and makes it be related to his subject of interest. Let's imagine he is interested on chocolate. If I tweet about trade, he says that the EU is not protecting chocolate trade, as he cannot see it in the report or the press release. If the tweet talks about culture, then the Parliament is ignoring the cultural value of eating chocolate…

And don't forget that you can also ask for someone's head on Twitter (virtually speaking of course), even if being the hearts queen there requires lots of support in Twitterland -a democratic way that matches the EP spirit more than the authoritarian Queen of Hearts. For example, in Spain someone noticed that a very well known singer had made a not very smart comment about the Egyptian revolution. It was nothing that serious, but for some reason people started to make jokes out of it, many others followed, it became trending topic… and now there are even jokes about this singer and Twitter. I am sure you have similar examples in other countries. But don't worry, that is something we will never do!

There are many other things in Alice's world that Europarl will avoid: we don't like labyrinths, we don't like people who don't listen, and we don't like to wonder around with no clear objective. Always looking for the straightforward way of saying things and reaching objectives, the next stage on the way is very clear: 2014 European elections. But that is another story!