Baby-boom is always behind the corner in our young unit. Although we all have at least some theoretical clue about what to expect, many freshly-baked parents are a bit (or completely) lost when they have to confront the practice. Here’s a handy list from my personal experience.

Loving

1. Babies are born with an in-depth knowledge of Murphy’s laws. They always get ill on the first day you enter your new job or at least during plenary sessions. There’s never a clash of family and career.

2. Your employer is 100% sure babies are never ill for more than 2 days in a row. For some secret reason, babies are not so sure about that.

3. If there’s no way you can stay home with your ill baby because of work, there’s always professional medical help available. Be sure to inform them around 1 week before your baby gets ill, otherwise they won’t be able to assist you.

4. If you think that parents’ uninterrupted night sleep chances constantly ameliorate, you should refresh your math skills and remember what sinusoid is.

Caring

5. There’s no such thing as green babies: they waste food, soil clothes and outgrow them. And yes, they need some kind of diapers.

6. Babies and toddlers tend to have their own schedule which might be incompatible with your own.

7. If your parents living in your home country visit you, your baby will surely bring some gastroenteritis from the crèche and will share it with the grandparents just to be sure they have the ultimate experience and come to visit more often.

8. Bumps on toddlers’ heads tend to multiply: if they have one, they will surely get another one for the sake of symmetry

9. An angel might turn into a monster if you miss the bedtime by mere 15 minutes

10. American word “pacifier” is much more exact that British “dummy”, just because it brings peace on earth.

This inexhaustive list should not discourage you to have babies. It is an incredible learning and loving experience that you should not waste. Enjoy it ;) because kids do not belong to us, they are just given to us for a temporary care and protection.