Well, I did not know how to do it and off the letter went.

Not that ugly

I was brought up thinking that directness serves as a value. It’s about being constructive. We don’t waste time. Especially other people’s time. So, we shoot out what we have. For example at school, the pupils were expected to say something in the class only when they were absolutely sure that they knew it right.

Therefore, labelling someone as “dumb head” was not uncommon. It has happen to to everyone, up to the level that my English teacher once confessed to my grandmother (teacher at the same school) that “I might not be high-school material”.

Fine, having experienced shameless criticism and directness in extreme levels, I should probably not have been hurt when I received this critical e-mail another day. Shamelessly direct message from a distant colleague, totally unpacked, not hidden into flowers. I thought it was rude! I was hurt!

So, the iron-Estonian is turning flowery? Probably. It is not difficult to get used to the institutional politness here. “Just to remind you all that working hours are from 9-18. Thank you!” said one of my superiors in the team meeting. You can just guess that the message was directed to someone who was probably showing up work little before lunch time. Saying but not really saying. Not saying but saying a lot. A bulk of mud wrapped in a silver paper with some beautiful red ribbons on with a “thank you” note on.

I understand that criticism is vitally necessary for things to move on. But how often it really does? It’s a delicate business. Often I see it taking few steps back ruining relationships, motivation and ability to cooperate. Isn’t it sometimes, more often than we think, better to keep the ugly truth underground?